the trust challenge

February 2005 : When Things Got Rough

2005-10-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

I went to Crossroad with EV and RC, her boyfriend. I didnt really enjoying the service at first. Probably because I went to church with EV and RC, I found out that they are quite strangers for me, and I also felt that I'm a stranger among them. I felt sort of like a mosquitoes whenever I walk with them. Most of the time, they were talking in dutch which means that I couldn't jump in into the conversation. So, I was a bit disappointed at the time. I almost decided not to come back to Crossroad again, when God whisper to me this thing, "Just give it a try next week, then you could judge whether it is good for you or not". I was a bit shock when I heard that. But then again, I did give it a try. I went home to Enschede, and I prayed for the church in which I could jump in. It was a bit late, maar het is toch beter dan nooit (but it is better then nothing).

I started to live my own world at the time. I didn't go to the bible study and also church in Enschede, but I did talking to God. For me, I couldn't live without Him. He guided me always through my days. I felt stronger and stronger each day. Although sometimes I still remember HV and also what PD had told me about the testimonies I gave to the congregation. I have never felt as hurt as that time before.

Every single day I only prayed so that I could forgive them and bless them. It had never been easy for me to experience that. But at some point, you just have to pass through it.

The next Sunday finally came. I went to Crossroad again by myself. I had to wake up at 5 oclock in the morning, to have my quiet time and also my very early breakfast before I catch up the 8.27 train to Amsterdam Centraal. But to be honest, I enjoyed those moments a lot. I could read lots of books on the train and for sure I had my own time at that moment. So, I do enjoy it.

When I arrived at Crossroad, I could see that God really true. I mean, I felt that I was touched by the sermon at the time. I could see how God lead me and how He really answering my prayers and I also felt that I was more secure in running my life. Somehow I just feel great.

I decided then to join their bible study in Utrecht. It took me quite some time to find one. Which is finally I join one; they named it as Prime Time. Prime Time is sort of like DATE of JPCC. One thing that is different is that we didnt have time to share what we feel and things like that. What we did was basically only learned from one book and discussed it together. It was fun though, and guess what, because of me they have to speak in English. Before wards, they could spoke in dutch because everybody are dutch (at least everybody spoke dutch).

I could see that my life was changed since I moved to Crossroad. Its just different. I could land again on the ground instead of flying in the air going no where. My greatest moments of my stay in The Netherlands are on these times, February to the end. It was really really nice.

January 2005 : Pain, Hurt, Gain …

2005-10-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

For those of you who doesnt know about what I already experienced in 2004, probably I could give you a little bit of insight on what was really happen to me at the time. I was sort of in love with this guy, but actually he didnt give me any confirmation on how he feels to me. Then we sort of had a fight, and we didnt talk for quite some time.

At the beginning of December, we made things clear that we dont have any other feelings than just friends. So, I was struggled to convince myself that I shouldn't think about him more than I used to. At first it was easy, because I was surrounded by friends, good ones and they always stand there for me.
But then again, on my vacation to Greece, I found out that I was so much in love with him. Greece for me was quitehard to be conquered, since I already got tired after more than a week I was traveling to Spain and Belgium, and Greece is a big country. Thus, I have to travel around 2 hours to one site and also to the other site. But, it was fun though.

And at Greece, I had to bow down on my knee and said to the Lord, that I surrender myself to Him, and I have to admit that I was still in love with him, HV. But I also learned that I dont want to waste my time on something that is useless and doesnt have any future to be grasped. So, I was kind of forcing myself to face the reality and stay to be the strong me' that most of my real friends know about.

HV had his doctoral defense in this month. He sent me his report and also an invitation to celebrate his graduation in a Japanese restaurant together with his family and also his colleagues. I was quite confused, because to be honest I dont feel comfortable again to be around him. So, I decided not to go to the dinner. I was thinking not to attend his defense as well, because I was too hurt to see him. But then, a friend, TM, asked me to join her to his defense. So, I was trying to cover up this whole thing and I said yes to her. I didnt want to see him at all and also because I was really into work, so I depart after HV got his diploma. Everybody (I think) was a bit confused, but I do avoid him.

That was my first pain.

My second pain came from my own church. I was already struggled a lot whether I want to stay there or I will just go away and find another church. We were supposed to have a worship evening again, and people were assuming that I will be the worship leader. To be honest, I do like to be a worship leader, but I was tired and I decided not to be one this time. Since I felt that I didn't get any support and people somehow just trying to go to their own way, including me. So, I didn't go to church, thus I skipped practice. I went to other cities in the weekend.

Another trigger that convinced me a lot is that e-mail from one of the elders in church, named PD that sent me an e-mail and said that it is not good for me to give a testimony every week. He said that it will prevent other people to give their own testimony. I was down, and disappointed. I agree that I wont give other testimonies, which for me; it means I should leave the church. I know that PD didn't say that I should leave the church, but for me, one thing that kept me alive in that church is the testimony that I gave. I felt so secure whenever I give one, because I always gave a testimony by singing a song. The fact that PD said so, and then I prefer to go away from church rather than being shut up in church.

I went couple of times outside Enschede. I was trying to find another atmosphere, because somehow I just got sick of it. I went to Wageningen, where AQ lived. I had great times there. I felt really at home. But then again, I also said to myself that I need to go to church as well. So, I was thinking and ask God to what kind of church that I should visit until I go home.

He reminded me of EV, a girl that I met 2 years ago in Driebergen on Easter Conference. I contacted EV afterwards and she took me to her church called Crossroad.

January 2005 : Shed tears ...

2005-05-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

Tsunami in Aceh was a big hit for me. I may not come from Aceh, but Aceh is a part of my country. I still remember, when i heard about this Tsunami thing, a verse crossed to my mind. I don't know exactly where is the location of this verse, but it says something about the end of time.

"Don't be surprised when you heard about disasters everywhere ..." and i just couldn't imagine, that my country ... will experience one of it.

Sometimes i felt that, it is really not fair if i'm enjoying my 'expensive' holiday in Greece, while some of my people suffered all the hunger, cold, and sad.

I still remember that in CNN, once it says that how different is the people of Aceh in handling their condition (after tsunami) with other countries. The difference is that people of Aceh still look around on things that they could pick up and use it for their daily needs. While the other countries, they were only crying. It doesn't mean that people in Aceh didn't really care about their family who is lost or dead. They do care, but they seems also to have a will to survive.

At some point, i'm proud to be Indonesian. I'm proud to have people like them. They have sorrow, but they realized that life goes on.

I don't understand how does it happens, but for sure, this thing inspired me a lot in running my whole life.

But, for sure, i did shock and most of the time in january, i cried ... only for those people who's the victim of this Tsunami thingy ...

January 2005 : A New Beginning

2005-05-07T14:13:00.000-07:00

I was in Greece when 2005 arrived. I was sleeping, since i was tired because i traveled 3 weeks in a row. I enjoyed it very much though, but i also think that it was too much.

There are couple of things that i decided to commit myself into. First, i have committed to pray for one country for 6 months. This is due to a book called, "If you want to walk on water, you have to step out of the boat", which i read at the time. The author said that, if i prayed for a country everyday in 6 months and nothing happens, let him know, but if it is, then he also wanted to know about that.

So, i kind of agree with that. And i chose a country, NORWAY.

Why Norway ? Huhuhuh, don't ask me, i was also not sure about that. But, what i had in mind at the time is that it is a good exercise for me to start praying again. The real pray i mean (is there any fake prayer ? i think so :D).

I promised as well to be a better person each day, etc.

Ah, Greece ... such a beautiful country. I made my promise to Tintin at the time. "When i'm going for my honeymoon, Greece will be it," then i laughed with her.

Indeed, Greece is a beautiful country ... but still, it couldn't make me get rid of two things, first is Tsunami, and the second one is ... a guy named, or let say M.

First Start

2005-05-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated for my yearly article. I've wrote my yearly article since 2002. The reason why i wrote it, it's because i realize that my life is great and full of stories. I also realize that i have so many things that lead me to deeper knowledge of God. That is also one of the reasons, why i'm writing my story of life every year.

This year, 2005, is a little bit different. Since i found out that writing a yearly article is not really nice if i just write it at the end of the year. I realize that i tend to forget things. That's why, i commited myself, to write my story every 3 months. Hehehehe, i'm a bit late though, but it is better rather than i have to keep it until the end of this year.

I hope you guys will enjoy every story i'll write in this blog. You can also see my real blog at http://henriette_imelda.blogspot.com.

Well, enjoy everybody :)

ime' ...
a good fight is a fight on the name of your dreams ...